“Duh-vorce” the tail end of the fairytale

“Duh-vorce”
All the movies and fairy tale love stories don’t tell you what happens when that everlasting love fades, or life changes in a way you don’t expect and you end up not on that same path that you planned together anymore.

You thought you were “married” for all intents and purposes. Your friends and family treated you that way. You made plans that were supposed to be for the next “50 years”, but that’s all gone now. You’re alone dealing with the trappings of a life made together. Your plans don’t include your mate anymore, and you’re having trouble with the pronouns, the “we” vs. the “me”.

I call it the separation of church and state. It seems to be that kind of undertaking. “This is mine-That’s yours” , “No its not…I bought that for you and I want it back”. We seem to resort to being petty school children “Indian giving”, or being the brat who throws tantrums if we don’t get what we want.

You never think that you need to prepare to split up, in the beginning of the romance. Because that’s all you want to think about is the romance itself and how good that feels. How wonderful that person is, how they’re everything you could have asked for in a mate, we wont even talk about how good the sex was….We are told “don ‘t focus on the bad stuff”, because then that’s what will happen…well maybe so.

But if it does, then what? And what if you’re GAY? Sometimes you think “thank God there weren’t children, because going through the dishes and cook ware is hard enough.” terrible I know but its true. My parents didn’t prepare me for the break up after nearly a decade together. Hell, my parents are still together and in love…with each other! Can you imagine?
The fairy tales seem to skip the part about dealing with the yelling, the fighting and arguing about what’s fair and right, amicable and who “deserves” the castle when Prince Charming decides that Cinderella doesn’t suit his life anymore…Or better yet, let the bank have it because Princie doesn’t want to live there anyway, even though it was Cindy’s dream that she was beginning to make a reality.

When you’re in an alternative relationship they don’t tell you anything about how to deal with the fact you have no rights. You actually do know that going in, but it doesn’t hit home until things are bad. That you can make all the plans and preparations for the blissful life you expect to have and you still end up getting fucked. Even though you followed the letter of the law as much as you could, or were allowed to…Now, undo it all.

Most states especially North Carolina don’t have courts that help with domestic partnership separations. You can’t really just hire a lawyer and say “help me null this out so I can be done” There isn’t a paper that says the divorce is “final”. We don’t have the luxury of a date. It seems that we have to take the extra step to claim the day that its “final” over and done with. Great- another thing to add to the list!

So how do you get there without losing your mind, and your house? Good question.
The pain the second guessing the self esteem issues, the revisiting past discussions and arguments can’t be good…can they? They don’t feel good.

Trust me, I’m ready to be done, but I don’t want to walk away from years of hard work, time, effort, and money. I’ve been building something, and now I may have to walk away from it? Is that the best thing? To get a fresh start, is it fresh? Who knows, really, only time will tell.