“Duh-vorce”
All the movies and fairy tale love stories don’t tell you what happens when that everlasting love fades, or life changes in a way you don’t expect and you end up not on that same path that you planned together anymore.
You thought you were “married” for all intents and purposes. Your friends and family treated you that way. You made plans that were supposed to be for the next “50 years”, but that’s all gone now. You’re alone dealing with the trappings of a life made together. Your plans don’t include your mate anymore, and you’re having trouble with the pronouns, the “we” vs. the “me”.
I call it the separation of church and state. It seems to be that kind of undertaking. “This is mine-That’s yours” , “No its not…I bought that for you and I want it back”. We seem to resort to being petty school children “Indian giving”, or being the brat who throws tantrums if we don’t get what we want.
You never think that you need to prepare to split up, in the beginning of the romance. Because that’s all you want to think about is the romance itself and how good that feels. How wonderful that person is, how they’re everything you could have asked for in a mate, we wont even talk about how good the sex was….We are told “don ‘t focus on the bad stuff”, because then that’s what will happen…well maybe so.
But if it does, then what? And what if you’re GAY? Sometimes you think “thank God there weren’t children, because going through the dishes and cook ware is hard enough.” terrible I know but its true. My parents didn’t prepare me for the break up after nearly a decade together. Hell, my parents are still together and in love…with each other! Can you imagine?
The fairy tales seem to skip the part about dealing with the yelling, the fighting and arguing about what’s fair and right, amicable and who “deserves” the castle when Prince Charming decides that Cinderella doesn’t suit his life anymore…Or better yet, let the bank have it because Princie doesn’t want to live there anyway, even though it was Cindy’s dream that she was beginning to make a reality.
When you’re in an alternative relationship they don’t tell you anything about how to deal with the fact you have no rights. You actually do know that going in, but it doesn’t hit home until things are bad. That you can make all the plans and preparations for the blissful life you expect to have and you still end up getting fucked. Even though you followed the letter of the law as much as you could, or were allowed to…Now, undo it all.
Most states especially North Carolina don’t have courts that help with domestic partnership separations. You can’t really just hire a lawyer and say “help me null this out so I can be done” There isn’t a paper that says the divorce is “final”. We don’t have the luxury of a date. It seems that we have to take the extra step to claim the day that its “final” over and done with. Great- another thing to add to the list!
So how do you get there without losing your mind, and your house? Good question.
The pain the second guessing the self esteem issues, the revisiting past discussions and arguments can’t be good…can they? They don’t feel good.
Trust me, I’m ready to be done, but I don’t want to walk away from years of hard work, time, effort, and money. I’ve been building something, and now I may have to walk away from it? Is that the best thing? To get a fresh start, is it fresh? Who knows, really, only time will tell.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Life, and Real Estate
Well it’s been a while and it’s been a wild ride so far. The last time I wrote my blog I was considering getting back into real estate. Well, it’s a done deal.
I have started Monster-RealEstate.com which ironically the first person I told that I was getting back in the game, coined the name before I said anything…The Monster Motorgirl sells “monster real estate”, and that’s all she wrote.
It’s been about 18 months since I’ve worked with any clients, I’ve been building websites and researching web marketing for other agents in the meantime, but I’ll tell you the climate has changed.
We all got spoiled I think. People were literally throwing money at us, any listing that was ½ way decent had multiple offers within 24 hours, and the sellers were likely to get 100% plus for their property. And usually the sellers had their cash within 15 to 20 days. Crazy!
Well-those days are past, and past is prologue. There is a moral to the story and the moral is this…appreciate what you have when you have it, don’t be greedy, things don’t last forever, and prepare for the rainy day…because inevitably even in the desert, it will rain.
I had it all really, a nice house, a beautiful car, money in the bank and a job that I enjoyed that I made some s
erious bank, but I lost myself. I could have had everything I had ever wanted if I had paid attention to who I really am- Not who I was perceived to be. I got lulled and dulled and bought the bullshit that I was selling, pretty much about all aspects of my life. I did things that you “should do”, “this is what you’re supposed to do”, “this is the best thing to do”, and “this will guarantee security and more” and now there is…nothing.
Actually that’s not true, there are some things left fortunately- an investment has turned into my permanent residence, the nice house is now the rental, which hopefully will help in the future. I have computers, tools, and a truck and miscellaneous other trappings of my former life. I have contacts from the business that have turned into friends, and friends that have turned into clients. I have a reputation for hard work and fair dealing and that I am a “natural” at this real estate thing, and I also have experience and knowledge, that will assist me on my new path of life.
So this new life is this…survival. I have had to sell things that were precious to me to survive; I’ve had to make hard decisions about “things”, what to keep and what to try to keep as necessities for survival. Things that seemed important became trivial and things that were forgotten became essential. Let’s call it downsizing on Crack.
This summer has taught me things about myself that I never knew, and things that I have forgotten. I have been happy in my solitude, and lonely amongst people. The true friends have emerged, old friends are found and perceived friends have fallen by the wayside-as well as the forgotten passions, talents and skills, which have resurfaced.
On the eve of my 42nd birthday, I am secure in the knowledge that I am a survivor, I can take care of myself and I am in control of my life. Well, it sounds good anyway. My moments of self doubt and uncertainty have a lot to do with my relationship of the last 9 years, tumultuous times that we have gotten through, one way or another-until now.
With many relationships there is give and take and you hope that there is mutual respect, understanding and love. And the hope that you don’t loose yourself in the pursuit of achieving some level of happiness with another person, but sometimes you do and you end up fighting to get yourself back. Fighting with yourself and fighting with your mate.
I’ve had the last 6 months to get back to who I am and be ok with that person, by myself, having to make decisions for both of us because my partner was in training after joining the Army. And now upon graduation, the life that we once had does not exist and the current one is very different than what was remembered, by each of us. That is causing problems.
We have been individuals, separated by distance and experience; and now it’s hard to be a couple again. One of us has been encouraged to be selfish as a means of survival and the other has been encouraged to do the same, but with great difficulty. One of us has been taken care of through their experience so that singular focus could be on getting through to the end, and the other has taken care, with no end in sight. And now the feelings have changed, circumstances have changed, and we have changed.
I have always had my partner in my head as I make decisions, about this house, our little family aka "the fur children", about which bills I have the money to pay to keep moving ahead and so on. Now that’s causing “pressure” on my mate because they don’t “feel the same” as before the Army. “Seeing through different e
yes” is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes not. It will cause pain in others and maybe you, but hopefully in the long run you would hope for a greater good to emerge. Change brings new experience, experience gives perspective, perspective brings change, change is hard, hard builds strength and character, and Lord knows I’m a character…
The time is now to make decisions for my future, “my” future, not ours. If there is an “us” we will survive because we are each doing best thing for ourselves as individuals. The nest egg is gone and one day you end up counting change on the coffee table hoping to have enough to buy firewood since that’s the only heat you have. The income that was “rolling in” has slowed to a trickle, if that; and you realize a capacity for comfort in small things, a touch, a cuddle with a pet, a smile and kind word from a stranger. Baking and cooking smells in the kitchen bring warmth in many ways, family coming to visit and a fire that warms you twice, makes you appreciate the decisions you’ve made about your life, and your capacity for contentment.
I have regrets, but they are not as big as you may think. I should have put more money in a savings account instead of buying that house. I should have watched what I spent on the business, and I should have planned better, I should have talked about what I felt and thought more instead of holding it in. But, “shoulda, coulda, woulda” doesn’t amount to a hill of beans now, does it? Move forward; keep moving forward, and as my father says “what have you learned from this experience?”. Lots trust me but, I’ll tell you what, I’m tired of learning.
I can't seem to get the learning part to be "applied learning"...is there a problem here?
I have started Monster-RealEstate.com which ironically the first person I told that I was getting back in the game, coined the name before I said anything…The Monster Motorgirl sells “monster real estate”, and that’s all she wrote.
It’s been about 18 months since I’ve worked with any clients, I’ve been building websites and researching web marketing for other agents in the meantime, but I’ll tell you the climate has changed.
We all got spoiled I think. People were literally throwing money at us, any listing that was ½ way decent had multiple offers within 24 hours, and the sellers were likely to get 100% plus for their property. And usually the sellers had their cash within 15 to 20 days. Crazy!
Well-those days are past, and past is prologue. There is a moral to the story and the moral is this…appreciate what you have when you have it, don’t be greedy, things don’t last forever, and prepare for the rainy day…because inevitably even in the desert, it will rain.
I had it all really, a nice house, a beautiful car, money in the bank and a job that I enjoyed that I made some s
erious bank, but I lost myself. I could have had everything I had ever wanted if I had paid attention to who I really am- Not who I was perceived to be. I got lulled and dulled and bought the bullshit that I was selling, pretty much about all aspects of my life. I did things that you “should do”, “this is what you’re supposed to do”, “this is the best thing to do”, and “this will guarantee security and more” and now there is…nothing.Actually that’s not true, there are some things left fortunately- an investment has turned into my permanent residence, the nice house is now the rental, which hopefully will help in the future. I have computers, tools, and a truck and miscellaneous other trappings of my former life. I have contacts from the business that have turned into friends, and friends that have turned into clients. I have a reputation for hard work and fair dealing and that I am a “natural” at this real estate thing, and I also have experience and knowledge, that will assist me on my new path of life.
So this new life is this…survival. I have had to sell things that were precious to me to survive; I’ve had to make hard decisions about “things”, what to keep and what to try to keep as necessities for survival. Things that seemed important became trivial and things that were forgotten became essential. Let’s call it downsizing on Crack.
This summer has taught me things about myself that I never knew, and things that I have forgotten. I have been happy in my solitude, and lonely amongst people. The true friends have emerged, old friends are found and perceived friends have fallen by the wayside-as well as the forgotten passions, talents and skills, which have resurfaced.
On the eve of my 42nd birthday, I am secure in the knowledge that I am a survivor, I can take care of myself and I am in control of my life. Well, it sounds good anyway. My moments of self doubt and uncertainty have a lot to do with my relationship of the last 9 years, tumultuous times that we have gotten through, one way or another-until now.
With many relationships there is give and take and you hope that there is mutual respect, understanding and love. And the hope that you don’t loose yourself in the pursuit of achieving some level of happiness with another person, but sometimes you do and you end up fighting to get yourself back. Fighting with yourself and fighting with your mate.
I’ve had the last 6 months to get back to who I am and be ok with that person, by myself, having to make decisions for both of us because my partner was in training after joining the Army. And now upon graduation, the life that we once had does not exist and the current one is very different than what was remembered, by each of us. That is causing problems.
We have been individuals, separated by distance and experience; and now it’s hard to be a couple again. One of us has been encouraged to be selfish as a means of survival and the other has been encouraged to do the same, but with great difficulty. One of us has been taken care of through their experience so that singular focus could be on getting through to the end, and the other has taken care, with no end in sight. And now the feelings have changed, circumstances have changed, and we have changed.
I have always had my partner in my head as I make decisions, about this house, our little family aka "the fur children", about which bills I have the money to pay to keep moving ahead and so on. Now that’s causing “pressure” on my mate because they don’t “feel the same” as before the Army. “Seeing through different e
yes” is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes not. It will cause pain in others and maybe you, but hopefully in the long run you would hope for a greater good to emerge. Change brings new experience, experience gives perspective, perspective brings change, change is hard, hard builds strength and character, and Lord knows I’m a character…The time is now to make decisions for my future, “my” future, not ours. If there is an “us” we will survive because we are each doing best thing for ourselves as individuals. The nest egg is gone and one day you end up counting change on the coffee table hoping to have enough to buy firewood since that’s the only heat you have. The income that was “rolling in” has slowed to a trickle, if that; and you realize a capacity for comfort in small things, a touch, a cuddle with a pet, a smile and kind word from a stranger. Baking and cooking smells in the kitchen bring warmth in many ways, family coming to visit and a fire that warms you twice, makes you appreciate the decisions you’ve made about your life, and your capacity for contentment.
I have regrets, but they are not as big as you may think. I should have put more money in a savings account instead of buying that house. I should have watched what I spent on the business, and I should have planned better, I should have talked about what I felt and thought more instead of holding it in. But, “shoulda, coulda, woulda” doesn’t amount to a hill of beans now, does it? Move forward; keep moving forward, and as my father says “what have you learned from this experience?”. Lots trust me but, I’ll tell you what, I’m tired of learning.
I can't seem to get the learning part to be "applied learning"...is there a problem here?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Perhaps, perhaps...perhaps
I am looking into my “next step” in life, or trying to find my way through something more widely known as a “mid-life crisis”. I of course have to have this crisis during the worst economic recession since 1929. So I’m looking at all things new and old and feeding my serial entrepreneurship.
I have been making my money in the real estate biz with Keller Williams Realty since 2003 and my family has been successful in real estate investing for many years prior to that. It’s what we know and we thought was , as many others have, safe, as the saying goes “safe as houses”. Well, that saying needs to be revised.
For those of us who have made a nice living in real estate, times have been tough, but fortunately things are on the upswing as I have heard. For me, I have many talents and many interests, real estate only being one of them. So when times got rough, I did as my father has always told me to do, be diverse. So I diversified, and diversified, and diversified again, now it seems, I’m spread too thin and I’m considering going back to Real Estate sales, to be aka “Realtor Extraordinaire” yet again.
I got out of real estate sales because I was burned by a client, and burned out in general. So I started teaching agents, building agent websites, concentrating on Ebay sales and motorcycles, using the phrase ”do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” as my mantra. It hasn’t been easy. And well, I’ve been beaten up and spit out of so many businesses in my life I’m uncertain of my passions, and what I love. I’m a little gun shy and afraid of the future. And that’s not really a good state of mind to be in when starting a new or old, as the case may be, business endeavor. But maybe hesitation is what I need, “err on the side of caution” and don’t be so gung-ho that you over enthuse yourself out of business, which seems to be the trend of my business career I have never been at a loss for enthusiasm.
I participated in a swap meet this past weekend at Blue Ridge Riders in Asheville, hoping to clean out some inventory from my shed and storage bin and put some cash in my pocket. It was fun; it was also a reminder for me how much I love the motorcycle industry, and riders of all shapes and sizes no matter what make the wheels are. It made me want to get my Honda CBR 600 F3 back together and actually ride in 09, which I haven’t yet-sad very sad. But I also realized I’ve done most things for the wrong reasons. Be it what someone said I should do, or for the money, or to feel important, or stroke my ego. I realized that I will be successful regardless of what I do if I feel passionate about it. I also see that I have always gone back to motorcycles when I was in trouble, needed a job, needed cash, or needed friends. And it has always saved me. Well, I need to be saved…again, but how to begin…again.
Real estate was a great payday, it was hard work but it was a good payday for good work. There are very few things that will do that. I think I got burned out for the same reasons I mentioned above.” You should” “You could”…whatever. I forgot what I wanted, and honestly I bought my own BULLSHIT. I made a fortune, and lost it as well. I bought and sold, leveraged and recruited, built and destroyed, and burned myself out, Big time.
So why go back? Maybe I miss the money? Maybe I miss being the “Mayor”? Maybe I miss being a rock star? Well…DUH! And hindsight being what it is, I need to stay out of the politics and do what I do best, and reap the rewards. Take my time and sock it all away, after of course I pay my school loans, back taxes, and overdue credit card bills…oh I’m sure there’s more…THEN I’ll sock it all away , and restore my bike to its original glory…how much time do I have before I'm in the black?
“So how come you’re talking about 2 different things” You may ask? Well, I live in the heart of the Blue Ridge Mountains, in one of the most desirable small towns in Western North Carolina, Hot Springs- population 625. During the summer the poulation bursts to a few thousand...motorcyclists.
Motorcyclists of every ilk come here 11 months out of the year to partake of the twisty-turnies and the mineral baths and a cold beer break. (A nice day trip is described well in this blog)If you decide you want to stay and camp that’s ok too. But what do you do if you want to stay, put down roots and own part of this indigo treasure? Buy Real Estate.
That’s where I come in. The “Biker Chick Realtor” that’s it! Let’s go look at property on 2 wheels and make sure that we can get up the driveway, wrench on the bikes and appreciate the views with a cold beverage after a hard day on the road. Maybe combining these two will give me what I yurn for and what I need, and provide a unique service to those chosen few what are like me? Hmmm?
Sometimes you have to be stripped down to bare nothingness to hear your inner voices screaming, or maybe its an 600cc inline 4 at 5000 rpm that you hear, that you must pay attention.
As the song says “Perhaps, perhaps… perhaps”. I’ll let you know.
I have been making my money in the real estate biz with Keller Williams Realty since 2003 and my family has been successful in real estate investing for many years prior to that. It’s what we know and we thought was , as many others have, safe, as the saying goes “safe as houses”. Well, that saying needs to be revised.
For those of us who have made a nice living in real estate, times have been tough, but fortunately things are on the upswing as I have heard. For me, I have many talents and many interests, real estate only being one of them. So when times got rough, I did as my father has always told me to do, be diverse. So I diversified, and diversified, and diversified again, now it seems, I’m spread too thin and I’m considering going back to Real Estate sales, to be aka “Realtor Extraordinaire” yet again.
I got out of real estate sales because I was burned by a client, and burned out in general. So I started teaching agents, building agent websites, concentrating on Ebay sales and motorcycles, using the phrase ”do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” as my mantra. It hasn’t been easy. And well, I’ve been beaten up and spit out of so many businesses in my life I’m uncertain of my passions, and what I love. I’m a little gun shy and afraid of the future. And that’s not really a good state of mind to be in when starting a new or old, as the case may be, business endeavor. But maybe hesitation is what I need, “err on the side of caution” and don’t be so gung-ho that you over enthuse yourself out of business, which seems to be the trend of my business career I have never been at a loss for enthusiasm.
I participated in a swap meet this past weekend at Blue Ridge Riders in Asheville, hoping to clean out some inventory from my shed and storage bin and put some cash in my pocket. It was fun; it was also a reminder for me how much I love the motorcycle industry, and riders of all shapes and sizes no matter what make the wheels are. It made me want to get my Honda CBR 600 F3 back together and actually ride in 09, which I haven’t yet-sad very sad. But I also realized I’ve done most things for the wrong reasons. Be it what someone said I should do, or for the money, or to feel important, or stroke my ego. I realized that I will be successful regardless of what I do if I feel passionate about it. I also see that I have always gone back to motorcycles when I was in trouble, needed a job, needed cash, or needed friends. And it has always saved me. Well, I need to be saved…again, but how to begin…again.
Real estate was a great payday, it was hard work but it was a good payday for good work. There are very few things that will do that. I think I got burned out for the same reasons I mentioned above.” You should” “You could”…whatever. I forgot what I wanted, and honestly I bought my own BULLSHIT. I made a fortune, and lost it as well. I bought and sold, leveraged and recruited, built and destroyed, and burned myself out, Big time.
So why go back? Maybe I miss the money? Maybe I miss being the “Mayor”? Maybe I miss being a rock star? Well…DUH! And hindsight being what it is, I need to stay out of the politics and do what I do best, and reap the rewards. Take my time and sock it all away, after of course I pay my school loans, back taxes, and overdue credit card bills…oh I’m sure there’s more…THEN I’ll sock it all away , and restore my bike to its original glory…how much time do I have before I'm in the black?
“So how come you’re talking about 2 different things” You may ask? Well, I live in the heart of the Blue Ridge Mountains, in one of the most desirable small towns in Western North Carolina, Hot Springs- population 625. During the summer the poulation bursts to a few thousand...motorcyclists.
Motorcyclists of every ilk come here 11 months out of the year to partake of the twisty-turnies and the mineral baths and a cold beer break. (A nice day trip is described well in this blog)If you decide you want to stay and camp that’s ok too. But what do you do if you want to stay, put down roots and own part of this indigo treasure? Buy Real Estate.
That’s where I come in. The “Biker Chick Realtor” that’s it! Let’s go look at property on 2 wheels and make sure that we can get up the driveway, wrench on the bikes and appreciate the views with a cold beverage after a hard day on the road. Maybe combining these two will give me what I yurn for and what I need, and provide a unique service to those chosen few what are like me? Hmmm?
Sometimes you have to be stripped down to bare nothingness to hear your inner voices screaming, or maybe its an 600cc inline 4 at 5000 rpm that you hear, that you must pay attention.
As the song says “Perhaps, perhaps… perhaps”. I’ll let you know.
Monday, August 17, 2009
A snake in the grass...literally
I’m having trouble right now-my partner is in training to serve in the Army Reserves. My life has been turned upside down, I think I'm a little depressed, and its been hard to find some equilibrium.
Business has not been great, it seems that I’m loosing more than I’m making, right now. The house renovation is a daunting task, and winter is coming on fast. So I’ve been a little out of sorts the past few days and really trying to find some focus.
So, the other day I a
m walking around my back pet enclosure, making sure that the hole that my dogs got out of is patched securely, and find a snake in my yard. Now it wasn't just a garter snake that I'm used to, ho no...its a copperhead. Ok, now I haven’t been talking about the snakes that have inhabited my space as I renovate this house, well, because I’m trying to focus on other things. But it’s hard to focus on other things when your heart keeps getting thrust up into your throat when you least expect it.
Did you say you needed FOCUS? Well, this was not the focus I was expecting...obviously!
This isn't the actual snake( found it on Google) since I didn't have the camera on me and I wasn't thinking about photo ops at the time...
First it was the black snakes or Rat snakes that have been living
in the ceiling. We have opened up the ceiling to make it cathedral like since the house is so small it needs to feel bigger. The roofers said that we had a resident black snake, but I didn’t see him for a few weeks after I’d been living here. Needless to say it was startling to meet him the first time since he was about 3 to 4 feet long falling from the sky in front of me as I worked on installing a new window. Or the new juvenile that I met recently that swung from by bedroom doorway while I was watching TV one night. But today was a copper head.
Of course I’ve been a city girl for so long I wasn’t sure, but I’ll assume the worst since I’d rather err on the side of caution. So I run inside to see if I can identify the little bugger, who is about 3 feet long, and see if it’s safe to put my dogs back there so I can go to town. I plug in and wait for my dial up to get going so I can do a Google search to find pictures of the snake in question. Now as I wait, I’m thinking of how to get rid of this guy. Barbeque tongs come to mind a box a sack to move it etc…I can’t kill it. It’s not in me. I’m having trouble with the rats that have invaded as well and the decision of the “humane” way to get rid of them, and those suckers I shouldn’t have a problem killing off, but I do.
Now, I understand, inherently that the snakes would only be here if there is a food source, which are the rats-so you’d figure I should be happy with their presence. Well, I would be happier if they’d do their job! I still have the one rat living under my bathtub, I think. And now the copperhead under the utility room, I think I got rid of the snake in the ceiling by sealing every hole I could find with Great Stuff expandable foam, thats readily available at Home Depot or Lowes.
My real issue is my animals 2 cats and 2 dogs, and as I mentioned, being a city girl, these are city pets. Mind you they’re having a great time running around a very secluded 30 acres but they haven’t ex
perienced the country, and that worries me. Bailey is the hound dog hunter/pointer telling Kashi, my striped “Pt-Chow!” where things are and to go get them, as if to say “OOh OOh Look, look there it is! Get it!” And Kashi will abide this and make this sound that is primal as if coming from her ancestors, not a bark and not a growl, but its excited in its tone and delivery. Bailey’s hound nature makes her bark incessantly and the same tone and repetition make it hard to tolerate for long. But you can’t deny nature. She will be out until all hours hunting something dark and unknown in the woods, while Kashi lays at my feet occasionally looking up then at me wagging her tail as if to say “ I think she’s a little obsessed, Momma”. To which I agree. This animal will rip siding off the house, move rocks that are at least 20 to 30 pounds out of the way to get to whatever it is. She’s even gone so far as to dig through the siding in the back and attempt to go through the new sheetrock in the kitchen to kill the rat, or whatever it was. 
This is the fear, Bailey is an instigator, Kashi is the follower, both are very smart but Bailey is too smart for her own good and this is what I fear will get her killed by something she’s never encountered before, be it poisonous snake or large furry creature with big teeth and claws like a black bear.
So you see my dilemma do I put them in the back so I can go to Asheville for the day and risk a showdown with a Copperhead or do I keep them inside all day in the attempt to protect them? What’s a mother to do? Especially, since I'm doing this alone for the first time in 10 years. My partner is the knowing nature person who is experienced about the NC woods and its inhabitants.
Research- that’s all I can do find out the nature of the snake, is it aggressive or not, where they tend to hide what they eat etc. I saw an episode of “Dirty Jobs” which I never watch, but they had the exterminators on there and they had a simple and inexpensive way of dealing with snakes, mothballs. Apparently they don’t like the odor and will head for the hills. Since knowledge is power, that’s all I have right now, I’ll try anything. I found serpent repellent spray online, but its $50 bucks a bottle. Too much for a “maybe it’ll work” .
Living in a rural area has proved an education in itself, I go into town and tell of my dilemma or experience and these ol'country folk always have a remedy. "get one of these ol'country boys to getcha a king snake an' you ain't gonna have no more copperheads or ratt-lers", or "get you some motoroil an' pour it down the hole an' light a match, they won't come back". Too bad he's under my house...
I can’t protect my babies all the time, they have to experience life and the risks associated with it, and so do I. I make them sound like children, but they are, they’re my children, and I worry about them. perhaps I'm creating things to worry about so I don't worry about other things, like myself...
Business has not been great, it seems that I’m loosing more than I’m making, right now. The house renovation is a daunting task, and winter is coming on fast. So I’ve been a little out of sorts the past few days and really trying to find some focus.
So, the other day I a
m walking around my back pet enclosure, making sure that the hole that my dogs got out of is patched securely, and find a snake in my yard. Now it wasn't just a garter snake that I'm used to, ho no...its a copperhead. Ok, now I haven’t been talking about the snakes that have inhabited my space as I renovate this house, well, because I’m trying to focus on other things. But it’s hard to focus on other things when your heart keeps getting thrust up into your throat when you least expect it.Did you say you needed FOCUS? Well, this was not the focus I was expecting...obviously!
This isn't the actual snake( found it on Google) since I didn't have the camera on me and I wasn't thinking about photo ops at the time...
First it was the black snakes or Rat snakes that have been living
in the ceiling. We have opened up the ceiling to make it cathedral like since the house is so small it needs to feel bigger. The roofers said that we had a resident black snake, but I didn’t see him for a few weeks after I’d been living here. Needless to say it was startling to meet him the first time since he was about 3 to 4 feet long falling from the sky in front of me as I worked on installing a new window. Or the new juvenile that I met recently that swung from by bedroom doorway while I was watching TV one night. But today was a copper head.Of course I’ve been a city girl for so long I wasn’t sure, but I’ll assume the worst since I’d rather err on the side of caution. So I run inside to see if I can identify the little bugger, who is about 3 feet long, and see if it’s safe to put my dogs back there so I can go to town. I plug in and wait for my dial up to get going so I can do a Google search to find pictures of the snake in question. Now as I wait, I’m thinking of how to get rid of this guy. Barbeque tongs come to mind a box a sack to move it etc…I can’t kill it. It’s not in me. I’m having trouble with the rats that have invaded as well and the decision of the “humane” way to get rid of them, and those suckers I shouldn’t have a problem killing off, but I do.
Now, I understand, inherently that the snakes would only be here if there is a food source, which are the rats-so you’d figure I should be happy with their presence. Well, I would be happier if they’d do their job! I still have the one rat living under my bathtub, I think. And now the copperhead under the utility room, I think I got rid of the snake in the ceiling by sealing every hole I could find with Great Stuff expandable foam, thats readily available at Home Depot or Lowes.
My real issue is my animals 2 cats and 2 dogs, and as I mentioned, being a city girl, these are city pets. Mind you they’re having a great time running around a very secluded 30 acres but they haven’t ex
perienced the country, and that worries me. Bailey is the hound dog hunter/pointer telling Kashi, my striped “Pt-Chow!” where things are and to go get them, as if to say “OOh OOh Look, look there it is! Get it!” And Kashi will abide this and make this sound that is primal as if coming from her ancestors, not a bark and not a growl, but its excited in its tone and delivery. Bailey’s hound nature makes her bark incessantly and the same tone and repetition make it hard to tolerate for long. But you can’t deny nature. She will be out until all hours hunting something dark and unknown in the woods, while Kashi lays at my feet occasionally looking up then at me wagging her tail as if to say “ I think she’s a little obsessed, Momma”. To which I agree. This animal will rip siding off the house, move rocks that are at least 20 to 30 pounds out of the way to get to whatever it is. She’s even gone so far as to dig through the siding in the back and attempt to go through the new sheetrock in the kitchen to kill the rat, or whatever it was. 
This is the fear, Bailey is an instigator, Kashi is the follower, both are very smart but Bailey is too smart for her own good and this is what I fear will get her killed by something she’s never encountered before, be it poisonous snake or large furry creature with big teeth and claws like a black bear.
So you see my dilemma do I put them in the back so I can go to Asheville for the day and risk a showdown with a Copperhead or do I keep them inside all day in the attempt to protect them? What’s a mother to do? Especially, since I'm doing this alone for the first time in 10 years. My partner is the knowing nature person who is experienced about the NC woods and its inhabitants.
Research- that’s all I can do find out the nature of the snake, is it aggressive or not, where they tend to hide what they eat etc. I saw an episode of “Dirty Jobs” which I never watch, but they had the exterminators on there and they had a simple and inexpensive way of dealing with snakes, mothballs. Apparently they don’t like the odor and will head for the hills. Since knowledge is power, that’s all I have right now, I’ll try anything. I found serpent repellent spray online, but its $50 bucks a bottle. Too much for a “maybe it’ll work” .
Living in a rural area has proved an education in itself, I go into town and tell of my dilemma or experience and these ol'country folk always have a remedy. "get one of these ol'country boys to getcha a king snake an' you ain't gonna have no more copperheads or ratt-lers", or "get you some motoroil an' pour it down the hole an' light a match, they won't come back". Too bad he's under my house...
I can’t protect my babies all the time, they have to experience life and the risks associated with it, and so do I. I make them sound like children, but they are, they’re my children, and I worry about them. perhaps I'm creating things to worry about so I don't worry about other things, like myself...
Monday, July 13, 2009
Life: Under Construction
I’ve just had my brother come stay with me for a week and take in the splendor and majesty of my little cabin renovation in Hot Springs NC. 
He is basically travelling all over the world looking for funding for his movie that he’s been making for the past few years "The Legends of Afrobeat", and working doing storyboard illustrations for commercials and feature films. His nomadic life and 21st century business affords him the opportunity to travel as long as there is internet nearby. Which is how he can come to me to work, play, rest and make money all at the same time. He is my younger brother and fortunately we have a good relationship and enjoy each other’s company, I have noticed that he is very knowledgeable and well respected in his field, which A. makes me proud and B. makes me wonder.
He has been doing this work for a number of years now and I think I’ve done probably 4 jobs since then, made a lot of money and lost it, been satisfied, contented and discontented many times over, but can’t seem to just do one thing and do it exceptionally well, and achieve mastery. Don’t get me wrong I am very good at what I do, whatever that may be, but I don’t consider myself that “BEST” at anything. I throw myself into new ideas, where I see a need that could potentially make money, which they do, but then something happens, and either I get discouraged or lose interest. But either way, I feel like I kill off these viable business entities, without ever realizing their true potential, or mine. I have God given a talent, that I don’t use, and that’s a crime, and I know it. I need to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I’m 41 years young and I feel like I’m spinning my wheels, searching for …something.
My life being thrown into a tailspin lately has shaken me to the core, and made me readjust my focus. When someone asks “what are you doing for money?”, my standard reply is “EBay”. I’ve been selling used motorcycle parts on EBay since 2002, and it’s been a little side venture that I started when I moved to Asheville and went to work for the local Honda dealer, MR Cycles. I left that job and got into real estate sales, but always had EBay chugging away on the internet, bringing in a respectable $1000/mo. without really working at it. That’s always been a standby; whenever I needed money I’d pay attention to EBay for a couple of hours and bring in some cash, pay my fees and go on with life. But now, after moving myself, my family, and my EBay inventory to this little cabin in the woods, I realize that I don ‘t need much else to be happy.
When I told people I was moving up here from Asheville, they would say one of two things, either “that’s great, you’ll be really happy up there” or “Are you nuts? What are you going to DO up there?” Well, aside from renovation and my weekly trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot, I work at EBay, organizing parts, building storage units, shelving, and hopefully shipping parts that I have sold. I have a few clients that I help with their real estate websites, but for the most part it’s EBay. So what does that tell you? Well, it tells be that the internet is where it’s at. The global marketplace makes small towns like Hot Springs NC be able to build and flourish with an influx of new “locals” that have always dreamed of the quiet solitude of small town life.
I grew up in a small town, a really small town, Ashburnham Massachusetts. But I think Hot Springs is a smaller town than that. But small towns need industry, of some kind to survive; the residents need cash to spend in town that comes from…jobs. I believe that with the economy the way it is, the global marketplace is the only place to do business, someone out there has money. Times are bad here, but not everywhere. During the depression, someone was making money. Even now businesses are thriving, even if they are foreclosure attorneys. But even they employ local people to maintain the properties they seize. So think about new ways to thrive, there is money to be made, and people need help. How can you help? How can I?
Yes, people are scaling back on everything, but you know, you still have to spend money. To keep the lights on, put gas in your car, build business…can you help build someone’s business, or satisfy a need they may have, and build yours at the same time? Yes, if you get creative. What do you need? What do I need? Can you do it better than the other guy, and at a better rate? I’m always thinking that way. But my problem is finding the one thing that brings money and happiness.
In my constant attempt at making a living, I’ve been lulled by money, and dulled by money, but always worried about money, no matter how much I had in the bank. That evil thing that clouds your mind with worry and contempt, and breaks up relationships more than any other, money, has diverted my focus and happiness too many times. My good days, I don’t think about it at all, my bad days are always about money or lack of it. So how do you have more good days than bad? “Follow your Bliss” as Cher and so many others have said. It’s very hard to do, and believe me I haven’t mastered this either, but I’m trying. Acknowledge the things that bring you pleasure, and happen to put money in your pocket. Someone said to me long ago, find out what makes you money that you do well and “do it more”. There are time suckers out there that we deal with everyday, oh…like email , Twitter and Facebook, but if you can figure out how to make those time suckers “tools” for your business, then go nuts! But make sure that it brings pleasure at the same time.
Trust me I know these things and it’s still hard to do, I feel guilty, when I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I go do it. The desire to have work not feel like work is probably everyone’s dream, including mine. But lately it’s been a problem to feel pleasure about what I’m doing, or feeling happy or pleasure about, well, anything at all. I’m trying to notice the small victories, the smile, the chuckle, the contented sigh, as much as the big things. And believe me, that’s work as well. But, work doesn’t need to be hard, focus on the art, and pleasure of creation, or of a job well done, because life is hard enough.
So, as the saying goes,” if life is handing you lemons”…, remember there are many recipes out there for lemon bread, lemon bars, lemon meringue pie, as well as lemonade. Just find the one that makes you the happiest when you taste it, but remember to savor it as well.
He is basically travelling all over the world looking for funding for his movie that he’s been making for the past few years "The Legends of Afrobeat", and working doing storyboard illustrations for commercials and feature films. His nomadic life and 21st century business affords him the opportunity to travel as long as there is internet nearby. Which is how he can come to me to work, play, rest and make money all at the same time. He is my younger brother and fortunately we have a good relationship and enjoy each other’s company, I have noticed that he is very knowledgeable and well respected in his field, which A. makes me proud and B. makes me wonder.
He has been doing this work for a number of years now and I think I’ve done probably 4 jobs since then, made a lot of money and lost it, been satisfied, contented and discontented many times over, but can’t seem to just do one thing and do it exceptionally well, and achieve mastery. Don’t get me wrong I am very good at what I do, whatever that may be, but I don’t consider myself that “BEST” at anything. I throw myself into new ideas, where I see a need that could potentially make money, which they do, but then something happens, and either I get discouraged or lose interest. But either way, I feel like I kill off these viable business entities, without ever realizing their true potential, or mine. I have God given a talent, that I don’t use, and that’s a crime, and I know it. I need to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I’m 41 years young and I feel like I’m spinning my wheels, searching for …something.
My life being thrown into a tailspin lately has shaken me to the core, and made me readjust my focus. When someone asks “what are you doing for money?”, my standard reply is “EBay”. I’ve been selling used motorcycle parts on EBay since 2002, and it’s been a little side venture that I started when I moved to Asheville and went to work for the local Honda dealer, MR Cycles. I left that job and got into real estate sales, but always had EBay chugging away on the internet, bringing in a respectable $1000/mo. without really working at it. That’s always been a standby; whenever I needed money I’d pay attention to EBay for a couple of hours and bring in some cash, pay my fees and go on with life. But now, after moving myself, my family, and my EBay inventory to this little cabin in the woods, I realize that I don ‘t need much else to be happy.
When I told people I was moving up here from Asheville, they would say one of two things, either “that’s great, you’ll be really happy up there” or “Are you nuts? What are you going to DO up there?” Well, aside from renovation and my weekly trips to Lowe’s and Home Depot, I work at EBay, organizing parts, building storage units, shelving, and hopefully shipping parts that I have sold. I have a few clients that I help with their real estate websites, but for the most part it’s EBay. So what does that tell you? Well, it tells be that the internet is where it’s at. The global marketplace makes small towns like Hot Springs NC be able to build and flourish with an influx of new “locals” that have always dreamed of the quiet solitude of small town life.
I grew up in a small town, a really small town, Ashburnham Massachusetts. But I think Hot Springs is a smaller town than that. But small towns need industry, of some kind to survive; the residents need cash to spend in town that comes from…jobs. I believe that with the economy the way it is, the global marketplace is the only place to do business, someone out there has money. Times are bad here, but not everywhere. During the depression, someone was making money. Even now businesses are thriving, even if they are foreclosure attorneys. But even they employ local people to maintain the properties they seize. So think about new ways to thrive, there is money to be made, and people need help. How can you help? How can I?
Yes, people are scaling back on everything, but you know, you still have to spend money. To keep the lights on, put gas in your car, build business…can you help build someone’s business, or satisfy a need they may have, and build yours at the same time? Yes, if you get creative. What do you need? What do I need? Can you do it better than the other guy, and at a better rate? I’m always thinking that way. But my problem is finding the one thing that brings money and happiness.
In my constant attempt at making a living, I’ve been lulled by money, and dulled by money, but always worried about money, no matter how much I had in the bank. That evil thing that clouds your mind with worry and contempt, and breaks up relationships more than any other, money, has diverted my focus and happiness too many times. My good days, I don’t think about it at all, my bad days are always about money or lack of it. So how do you have more good days than bad? “Follow your Bliss” as Cher and so many others have said. It’s very hard to do, and believe me I haven’t mastered this either, but I’m trying. Acknowledge the things that bring you pleasure, and happen to put money in your pocket. Someone said to me long ago, find out what makes you money that you do well and “do it more”. There are time suckers out there that we deal with everyday, oh…like email , Twitter and Facebook, but if you can figure out how to make those time suckers “tools” for your business, then go nuts! But make sure that it brings pleasure at the same time.
Trust me I know these things and it’s still hard to do, I feel guilty, when I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I go do it. The desire to have work not feel like work is probably everyone’s dream, including mine. But lately it’s been a problem to feel pleasure about what I’m doing, or feeling happy or pleasure about, well, anything at all. I’m trying to notice the small victories, the smile, the chuckle, the contented sigh, as much as the big things. And believe me, that’s work as well. But, work doesn’t need to be hard, focus on the art, and pleasure of creation, or of a job well done, because life is hard enough.
So, as the saying goes,” if life is handing you lemons”…, remember there are many recipes out there for lemon bread, lemon bars, lemon meringue pie, as well as lemonade. Just find the one that makes you the happiest when you taste it, but remember to savor it as well.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Praying for sheetrock,... and lumber, and...help!
I’ve had the good fortune of having my brother come and visit for a few days, which is always fun and interesting to say the least. He is the first visit to my new home in Hot Springs NC, which I have mentioned in previous posts. The house is still under construction and more than a little cluttered with tools and building materials. So I was scurrying to get cleaned up and organized enough that I could vacuum a corner of the room with my trusty Dyson so I could roll out the rug and set up a Coleman air mattress(borrowed of course, since I have more crap than I need) for the poor guy and show some hospitality.
I have met one of my neighbors who has a Caterpillar bulldozer, who will probably be my new best friend here soon, who is going to level and fill my driveway, so you don’t have to have a 4 wheel drive monster truck to get to the house, which is a deterrent for the would be visitor. Of course, for those of us looking for privacy and seclusion such deterrents are welcome, but I don’t want anyone to say “I would come see you but I can’t get up the driveway” which is a common occurrence in Western NC, some driveways are pretty incredible, fortunately mine isn’t vertical it’s just bumpy, muddy and no fun for those with little to no ground clearance.
Thus my beautiful Chevy Suburban and Honda Ridgeline, both in jet black of course. But short of a shuttle service improvements need to be made. I need to get a truck and trailer loaded with the new bikes to be parted out up to the house, and hopefully a semi loaded with a new metal building in the near future.
So, Yes, I am the consummate hostess but, a girl still needs to make a living, right? So lately the concern is organization and trying to keep the money machine running. The newest issue is the lack of power to my out buildings where my inventory is housed, and the fact that the local population of country rats have decided that if I’m away too long they’ll claim the buildings and my inventory as their own. My dogs are completely entertained by the wildlife in and around the buildings and property, obviously a different life than that of the big city of Asheville.
Everyone is hurting for cash, but the big companies are getting bailed out with billions of dollars in government bailout and support and we, the little people, who are trying to make a living being self employed can’t get help to save our lives. I don’t “qualify” for Chapter 13 bankruptcy, I don’t “qualify” for loan modifications, obviously I don’t qualify for help from anyone really, I made a lot of money at one time in real estate and now I don’t qualify for anything. So is that punishment for past success? I wonder, ‘cuz it’s not supposed to be that way. There are some non-profit agencies that are there to help you like “On-Track” in Asheville. But I’m sick of getting screwed at every turn. I do a lot of business with a lot of people and if something is wrong and I make them aware and present an effective solution, the response shouldn’t be “sorry”. Especially if it’s a glitch with a website, there is an accountability that needs to be recognized. If there is a problem with anything I sell or a service I provide, I will jump through hoops to make it right, but once a company reaches a certain size…they just don’t care anymore, since apparently there’s another one of me who won’t fight or question, around the corner. Well, in case they haven’t noticed, there isn’t a line around the corner like there used to be, and customer service should be the first thing they do, not the last.
I love having people come stay with me, and now that I live in yet another beautiful place the guests will be arriving en mass. The trick of course is the state of the house when said guests arrive. And since I’m living in a construction zone its different every time someone new comes around. The brother decided to tackle the trees outside, and I have been mowing like a mad woman, so construction is all encompassing. 
I have met one of my neighbors who has a Caterpillar bulldozer, who will probably be my new best friend here soon, who is going to level and fill my driveway, so you don’t have to have a 4 wheel drive monster truck to get to the house, which is a deterrent for the would be visitor. Of course, for those of us looking for privacy and seclusion such deterrents are welcome, but I don’t want anyone to say “I would come see you but I can’t get up the driveway” which is a common occurrence in Western NC, some driveways are pretty incredible, fortunately mine isn’t vertical it’s just bumpy, muddy and no fun for those with little to no ground clearance.
Thus my beautiful Chevy Suburban and Honda Ridgeline, both in jet black of course. But short of a shuttle service improvements need to be made. I need to get a truck and trailer loaded with the new bikes to be parted out up to the house, and hopefully a semi loaded with a new metal building in the near future. So, Yes, I am the consummate hostess but, a girl still needs to make a living, right? So lately the concern is organization and trying to keep the money machine running. The newest issue is the lack of power to my out buildings where my inventory is housed, and the fact that the local population of country rats have decided that if I’m away too long they’ll claim the buildings and my inventory as their own. My dogs are completely entertained by the wildlife in and around the buildings and property, obviously a different life than that of the big city of Asheville.
But other problems have arisen as of late which are no fun to deal with and tend to ruin your day. Like the shipping costs have dramatically increased since moving and hour out of Asheville. But the biggest problem is that shipping vendors like UPS have these systems online to help you calculate your shipping costs so you can negotiate deals and project profit if you offer FREE Shipping like I do. The problem is when they don’t work right, like this morning. Waking up to a $359.86 dollar charge to my account that was an adjustment on an international shipment, now wait just a minute! If I put in the address to an automated system like UPS or Paypal where I do my shipping, I expect the charges to be accurate. If there is a discrepancy between the systems talking to each other, than why do I have to eat it? That shipment would have never occurred; the deal would have been negotiated very differently. So after using multiple systems like UPS.com and USPS.com as well as Paypal I’m the one who is screwed for the difference? So I want to complain about UPS. They need to fix the damn system to work right. If you want me to use your tool make it function properly, and I hate to say it, be idiot proof. I’m tired of it always being my screw up, “I’m sorry ma’am there’s nothing I can do” …Bull. I’m not a multimillion dollar corporation with thousands of employees worldwide who can afford a random $350 charge. I can’t, I’d love to, but that’s not an option right now, I need sheetrock, lumber and inventory.
So if you have gotten hit by some big company with something that is wrong because of their system or just wrong and they’ve given you a run around, fight! If you don’t have money then you have time to fight, because we are the ones that need to keep the money we make.
Everyone is hurting for cash, but the big companies are getting bailed out with billions of dollars in government bailout and support and we, the little people, who are trying to make a living being self employed can’t get help to save our lives. I don’t “qualify” for Chapter 13 bankruptcy, I don’t “qualify” for loan modifications, obviously I don’t qualify for help from anyone really, I made a lot of money at one time in real estate and now I don’t qualify for anything. So is that punishment for past success? I wonder, ‘cuz it’s not supposed to be that way. There are some non-profit agencies that are there to help you like “On-Track” in Asheville. But I’m sick of getting screwed at every turn. I do a lot of business with a lot of people and if something is wrong and I make them aware and present an effective solution, the response shouldn’t be “sorry”. Especially if it’s a glitch with a website, there is an accountability that needs to be recognized. If there is a problem with anything I sell or a service I provide, I will jump through hoops to make it right, but once a company reaches a certain size…they just don’t care anymore, since apparently there’s another one of me who won’t fight or question, around the corner. Well, in case they haven’t noticed, there isn’t a line around the corner like there used to be, and customer service should be the first thing they do, not the last.
So here’s to the little girls and guys who are not going to take it anymore… unite and fight!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Uphill in 5th Gear ...part 2
I was thinking, from a global standpoint, how much fuel we could all save if we really DROVE the car. Not just stomp on the gas pedal. If we really looked at our surroundings, and noticed how green the trees were, and how pretty the view was instead of talking on the cell phone, or worse, texting as we drive and never really see our beautiful landscapes as they fly by us at 60+ miles per hour. How much more calm we would be, the blood pressure would be lower, the road rage would seem to disappear into thin air around us, and we would breathe, even smell the earth, the mossy scent of the forest and the fragrance of the flowers as we pass by.
Many of our issues could be resolved if we really learned to drive the vehicles we depend on. Fewer emissions, less fossil fuel consumption, stress relief, ...really...think about it.
What I realized is that Ive been living my life the way Ive been driving the suburban, uphill in 5th gear. Give it more gas it'll get there somehow. Instead of enjoying the ride, and paying attention to the road. You can make better decisions if you pay attention and enjoy the ride.
My family has a saying, that we are always "running at 90-miles per hour", and its true -too true really. Everything is frantic, last minute deadline, high stress, gotta get it done now...
I'm not sure if we know how to live any other way. Maybe that's the problem. We need a restart here, hit the pause button and slow down. It does seem that everything ends up that way, in a heated rush. And please understand that we are not "lazy" people. Quite the contrary, however, we never seem to finish in a blaze of glory without the pressure. Well, I'm sick of it.
We spent Saturday nights at the races in Loudon, New Hampshire at Bryar Motorsport Park, now the New Hampshire Speedway, watching and being the pit crew for my dad and his short track racing endeavors. He rarely if ever came in second place, but that's the pressure I'm talking about. There's someone right behind you pushing you forward...right on your heels, breathing down your neck...can't let them pass you...got ttoo goooo ffaaasssttterrr...gottt ttto gget the the ffinishhh lllline fffiiiirrrsstttt......YES! I win, I win! Did I?
Honestly sounds like an orgasm doesn't it? Well, maybe that's it, hoping that each build up will climax with, well, a climax. It never works that way when someone else pushes you, you have to push yourself, and more pleasure comes from that to be sure. I seem to forget that part.
I love the sex analogy, that just kind of happened, but really... we equate everything to sex and pleasure. Sometimes its the only pleasure, and sometimes not. But we are forever in the pursuit of that feeling. That all the build up has a pleasurable climax to make it worth the effort.
My current stat of affairs has afforded me, lets say...perspective. There are things that I want, there are things that I have, and there are things that I need. I have many talents, I have many passions, and I have perspective now. So, maybe that's the recipe for success. A real success, not based on my bank balance, or my accumulated things...but a success based on my happiness. Happy with what I have, contented in where I am and enjoying my life because I make my living doing what I love. Which gives me time to smell the land and appreciate the feel of mountain water on my feet, or the dirt in my teeth after an awesome trail ride, or being able to still feel the vibration of the bike in your hands and the motor's heat between your thighs. This is life and it is great to live it. How I want to, not because I have to have this or pay that, that's living on someone else's terms, its time to live on my terms, have my virtual orgasm-and enjoy the ride.
Many of our issues could be resolved if we really learned to drive the vehicles we depend on. Fewer emissions, less fossil fuel consumption, stress relief, ...really...think about it.
What I realized is that Ive been living my life the way Ive been driving the suburban, uphill in 5th gear. Give it more gas it'll get there somehow. Instead of enjoying the ride, and paying attention to the road. You can make better decisions if you pay attention and enjoy the ride.
My family has a saying, that we are always "running at 90-miles per hour", and its true -too true really. Everything is frantic, last minute deadline, high stress, gotta get it done now...
I'm not sure if we know how to live any other way. Maybe that's the problem. We need a restart here, hit the pause button and slow down. It does seem that everything ends up that way, in a heated rush. And please understand that we are not "lazy" people. Quite the contrary, however, we never seem to finish in a blaze of glory without the pressure. Well, I'm sick of it.
We spent Saturday nights at the races in Loudon, New Hampshire at Bryar Motorsport Park, now the New Hampshire Speedway, watching and being the pit crew for my dad and his short track racing endeavors. He rarely if ever came in second place, but that's the pressure I'm talking about. There's someone right behind you pushing you forward...right on your heels, breathing down your neck...can't let them pass you...got ttoo goooo ffaaasssttterrr...gottt ttto gget the the ffinishhh lllline fffiiiirrrsstttt......YES! I win, I win! Did I?
Honestly sounds like an orgasm doesn't it? Well, maybe that's it, hoping that each build up will climax with, well, a climax. It never works that way when someone else pushes you, you have to push yourself, and more pleasure comes from that to be sure. I seem to forget that part.
I love the sex analogy, that just kind of happened, but really... we equate everything to sex and pleasure. Sometimes its the only pleasure, and sometimes not. But we are forever in the pursuit of that feeling. That all the build up has a pleasurable climax to make it worth the effort.
My current stat of affairs has afforded me, lets say...perspective. There are things that I want, there are things that I have, and there are things that I need. I have many talents, I have many passions, and I have perspective now. So, maybe that's the recipe for success. A real success, not based on my bank balance, or my accumulated things...but a success based on my happiness. Happy with what I have, contented in where I am and enjoying my life because I make my living doing what I love. Which gives me time to smell the land and appreciate the feel of mountain water on my feet, or the dirt in my teeth after an awesome trail ride, or being able to still feel the vibration of the bike in your hands and the motor's heat between your thighs. This is life and it is great to live it. How I want to, not because I have to have this or pay that, that's living on someone else's terms, its time to live on my terms, have my virtual orgasm-and enjoy the ride.
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